February 23, 2011

For The Record.

For the record, I’m busy.

For the record, these 2 weeks was very hectic for me to even bother other things. I barely eat carbohydrate because either I was too occupied with other things or just forgot. But I did consume a lot and a lot of caffeine. It keeps my body and brain works.

For the record, I already experienced how messed up it was to be awake 30 hours straight without sleep. Not even 1 minute nap.

For the record, I will never like any annoying-big mouth-bossy midwife in the world. No offense if you are one of them.

For the record, I met those overreact-rude-don’t know rule husbands of patients.

For the record, I finished my 4 assignments in just first 3 weeks. Quite lega to make my mind of those small-small things.

For the record, I cried in the public for the first time in my entire mature- strong-tough-adult life. Shit. It was humiliating.

For the record, the word “Your brain didn’t link with your mouth”, “Bloody hell”, “Did your mother left you when you was six?”, “You all are the poorest group for the whole batch”, “Nonsense” are the words that I already used to for these 2 weeks.

For the record, I don’t need any ‘comforting’ advices like “Ala. Chill beb. Ak pun pnh kena mcm kau. Tak nangis pun. Bukan ko sorg je”. Well, YOU, GO TO HELL with that. It’s not comforting but annoying. I’m not interested to know even to ask. This is about me, myself and I. Try to be in my shoes and see either it fits or not.

For the record, I just see one of the babies died due to premature birth. I used to go to the baby’s room in the ward at the very end of the day just to look and touch them. Because it made the whole crap things that happened to me on that day melted and faded away. And today, I didn’t go to that room because that makes my heart ache and bleed out.

And for the record, I hate my new toothbrush! It made my gum bled a lot. Grrrrrr!

February 2, 2011

Baru Tahu.

Tahu? Memegang bayi baru lahir itu mampu menghalau segala resah.

Tahu? Merasa hangat tubuh bayi dalam dakapan itu mampu menghurai segala lelah.

Tahu? Saat menyerahkan si bayi itu kepada ayahnya untuk diazankan itu tak mampu tergambarkan.

Tahu? Saat meletakkan si kecil itu di pangkuan ibunya untuk disusukan itu tak mampu terluahkan.

Saya, mengalaminya. Sebentar tadi. Masih terbayang-bayang..